Neverending Nightmare
by Goku Girl
Summary: Vegeta destroys his life and is confronted with a chance to make everything right. shounen ai


Disclaimer: Same as always.

Note: This is a little test to see if I can write something other than humor. I'm thinking I should just stay with what I know. But it's good for an author to be versatile.

Warnings: Shounen ai (Goku x Veggie). Graphic violence.

* * *

Neverending Nightmare

He thought that he was dreaming but it answered 'no'. He thought that he was insane but again it said 'no'. Nothing he said explained what was going on so he fell silent and waited. The answers eventually came and they -- both the being and the words -- did not please him.

"This is no dream or delusion of the mind. You see the truth, you hear the truth, and you will believe the truth. I am the embodiment of all the pain and anger you caused to the innocents. Know me as Vengeance and know my words as reality."

"Why should I believe you?" he asked, expecting a good answer. The one he received, again, failed to please him. Hardly anything pleased him.

"Why should you believe *anything*?"

The small man clenched his fists in irritation and turned away. "If you don't have anything useful to say send me back." There was no door in the mist and the darkness, no exit to escape what they deemed reality.

"I cannot," the man sighed with sadness. "It no longer exists."

At first he was shocked to the very core of his being but it quickly gave way to a more familiar emotion: Anger. "I will not tolerate lies from the likes of you."

"Vengeance does not lie. I only seek retribution."

"Who destroyed it then? he asked. "Who made it cease to be?"

"Why, you did of course. Who else could wield such power and skill with only the intent to kill?" The man mocked him in rhyme and Vegeta did not believe a word he said.

"I am no fool. I won't believe lies."

"Oh? You do not believe? I will make you feel the truth."

Vegeta felt the hot wetness but did not see it. He knew instantly what it was from years of combat and properly indentified it as warm blood. While not an unfamiliar sensation, the life spilt upon his hands was slightly uncomfortable. Before he would have taken joy in it, bathed in it, but now it left him with only unpleasant memories. He wiped his hands on his black spandex suit that he wore for training but the sensation would not fade.

"What's going on?" he asked while firmly resisting the urge to rub his hands frantically.

"You laughed as you felt their life-blood pour over your hands. As the light faded from their eyes you danced in glee around their cooling bodies. You didn't stop there, Vegeta, but continued killing until there was nothing left."

"Why would I do such a thing *now*? I've-"

He cut him off in mid-word. "You've changed? Maybe, maybe not. But you know what they say: Once a killer, always a killer."

Vegeta refused to accept his words as truth. "NO!"

"You still do not believe? I will make you hear the truth."

Voices rushed into his head and he recognized them all. Vegeta heard their screams of terror and agony as he murdered them but he did not hear or see himself. Up until that point he still had hope that he was experiencing some strange new virtual reality game but he felt him pulling everything from memory. A faint tingling began throughout his entire body and he realized that it was remembered joy. It repusled him.

"What have you done to me?" he asked with a slightly trembling voice. "You are my victims' vengeance; this is your fault."

"None of what you love would have been destroyed if you had not killed in the first place. You have heard of the saying, 'What goes around, comes around' haven't you? You senselessly murder someone's loved ones and your own die." The man smiled. "I think that it's fitting."

"What happened? I don't understand how I killed them! I should have better control over myself than that."

"The friends and family of the victims prayed, Vegeta. They prayed that you never find a moment's happiness in your life. They prayed for death when you found true love. They prayed and the High God listened. He cast a curse over you while you were sleeping and the slaughter was the result. You killed the ones that you love and the victims' spirits now have peace."

A dead feeling settled over Vegeta's heart. If he now had no children and no koibito then life was no longer worth living. "But how was it possible?"

Smirking, the man said, "You're wondering how you killed him? The only one more powerful than you?"

"Yes. I want to know."

"It's a very simple answer, Vegeta. You used your great strength," he again used a mocking tone, "and tore out his heart. No effort required whatsoever. Around you his guard was down, you were the only one he felt safe with. He trusted you not to betray him and look at where it got him: Another trip to Enma-sama. Permanently this time."

"Did I laugh?" Vegeta asked with quiet grief. "Did I enjoy it?"

His questions were rewarded with loud laughter. "Oh yes, you enjoyed it. You enjoyed it more than anything else in your lifetime. Every ragged, pain-filled breath he took as you held his heart in your hands, every tear that slid down his face as you betrayed him in the very worst way, every drop of life-blood that splashed your arms crimson up to the elbow, every-"

"STOP!" he shouted as he covered his ears with his hands, trying to block out Vengeance's words. "NO MORE!"

"You have not yet begun to suffer for your crimes," the man whispered as he came closer. "This is only the beginning." He stopped within an inch of touching Vegeta's shaking body and spread his arms out wide. "You will come with me, Vegeta. I will show you more." Held the saiya-jin close to him, close to his coldness, and instantly Vegeta began to struggle. It did no good, however, and he only succeeded in tiring himself out. Then they both left the Mists with Vegeta screaming in wordless grief.

***

They reappeared on a featureless white plane.

"I am not a cruel being," Vengeance said as he released a now silent Vegeta. "You will have a chance to make things right. Everyone deserves a second chance."

This was almost too much for Vegeta to bear. "I can change it back to what it once was?" He looked down at what made up the floor in the white reality. "Do I deserve to have everything back?"

His voice became soft as he questioned him. "I don't know. Do you feel that you do?"

"No. I would like them back but I don't think that I deserve anything."

"You may try, if you want to, and we will see."

"I'll do anything."

Vengeance waved his hand and the plane slowly faded out only to be replaced with the image of his bedroom in the royal palace. He hadn't seen it since he was a small child. "It all begins here." He stepped backward and faded away.

"Wait! What am I supposed to do?" Vegeta asked. He then covered his mouth when he realized how high his voice sounded.

"What is right. You only have to do what is right. Farewell, Ouji no Saiya-jin. Live the life of a person and not of a monster." Vengeance's voice faded completely.

"How can I do that? I'm a kid again!" His sat down hard on his bed. It was nice as beds went with soft silk sheets and a matress stuffed with only the best feathers but he did not feel the comfort as he thought about what needed to be done. He would have to find a way to murder Furiza before he took him away. It was the only one his race, and his happiness, had.

"Vegeta-ouji." He heard Nappa's voice outside of his bedroom door. "It's time for your training session."

Vegeta sighed. Did he really have to repeat this day again? He had no good memories about the time he spent in his father's palace. None at all. He hopped down from his bed and walked slightly unsteadily to the door. Being in his chibi body was a very weird experience. Nappa gave him a not-so-carefully masked look of annoyance.

"Vegeta, you can't train in those clothes."

"Why not?"

Nappa's face now showed frustration. "Because they're not training clothes!" Vegeta laughed silently. He had always liked making Nappa's face turn red as a child. It was amusing.

"I refuse to change. There is nothing wrong with these clothes." Vegeta stubbornly walked off to train leaving Nappa to hurry to catch up.

"Vegeta-ouji I'll get in trouble with your father," Nappa said with a pleading tone. "He doesn't want those destroyed. They're your dress clothes."

At first he was tempted to continue on but Vengeance's words came back to haunt him. 'You only have to do what is right.' Vegeta nodded to the memory and turned back towards his room.

"I will change. Don't worry about it, Nappa." The large man was stunned at his words, Vegeta could tell.

Training had gone the same exact way it had gone before. He defeated the Saibamen with ease and Furiza's soldiers looked on in awe. He was on his way back to his bedroom when he remembered what day it was.

"The day Furiza destroyed Vegeta-sei! I have to stop him!" Vegeta knew what is goal was but he had no idea how to achieve it. He could kill Furiza but in his chibi body he didn't think he had enough power. Maybe he could go super saiya-jin? Goku had told him once that once you knew how to transform you could always reach it. It was his only idea and he would just have to try.

The space port was by the nursery and Vegeta wanted to stop by to see someone. He remembered that Bardock's son was born on the day Furiza destroyed Vegeta-sei and he survived. Goku was living proof that he had survived. No one stopped the small child as he ran down the hall and no one stopped him from searching through the newborns. He found Kakarotto's crib beside Brolli's and he gazed down at the tiny form of his future koi.

"You're cute as a baby, Goku," he whispered as he let him grab his small finger with even tinier hands. "I just want you to know that I'll always love you." He kissed him on the forehead and took off again. Baby Kakarotto ceased to cry and settled down to sleep with a look of content on his face.

Bardock, the man Goku received all of his looks from, was in front of the nursery viewing window with his hands against the glass. "Kakarotto," he said softly. Then he came back to himself and saw Vegeta standing there watching.

"My prince," he said as he starting to get down on one knee. Vegeta halted him and gave him a very unVegeta-like smile.

"I believe you, Bardock," he said simply as he began walking away. "You may not understand now but you will. I'll be around if you want to find me."

Bardock watched him leave with a puzzled frown. "What is he talking about? I didn't say anything!"

***

Furiza's ship was very much like a maze but Vegeta remembered how to navigate it. When he first had been brought there, at the age of six, he was confined to one room only unless Furiza wanted an audience with him. Vegeta had learned to be stealthy in the forty-two years he had been alive so no once noticed the child as he carefully made his way to Furiza's chamber. The door wasn't locked but, as usual, Dodoria and Zaabon were flanking the small being as he sat in his hover chair.

"Lord Furiza didn't summon you, brat," Zaabon sneered. "He doesn't want any dirty saiya-jins in his audience chamber."

"Now, now," Furiza said with a mildly interesting look on his face. "Let's hear what the boy has to say."

"I won't allow you to destroy my planet and kill my people," Vegeta said with determination as he approached him. "I am here to kill you."

Apparently surprised that Vegeta had known his plan, Furiza hopped down from his chair and walked to meet him in the center of the room. "How are you going to harm me? No on can do it. I am invincible!"

"Everyone and everything eventually dies, Furiza," Vegeta said as he focused his entire being on becoming super saiya-jin. "Your time has come!" His body was engulfed in golden light and he lunged at Furiza, hands full of ki, intending on doing serious harm. Furiza was not afraid of his power he simply sidestepped the child and grabbed him around the neck with his tail.

"Maybe death will teach you not to be so insolent," Furiza smirked as he raised a single glowing finger. "Farewell, Vegeta."

He felt the searing heat as it entered into his body and refused to cry out in pain. Maybe he didn't deserve Goku and his children, all three of them, back. Maybe nothing he could do would change his fate. Vegeta closed his eyes as he felt his life leaving his body and closed his ears to Furiza, Zaabon, and Dodoria's loud laughter. He only heard one voice, now, and it was the one of Goku welcoming him home. His reached out with his hands to touch him but no matter what he could not reach. With tears coursing down his cheeks he stretched but Goku's voice grew faint then fainter still as the unseen force pulled him away from Death's peaceful doors. The opening of his eyes and the inhalation of breath coincided as he reappeared in his bedroom once more. Vengeance stood over him with a peaceful expression and Vegeta wondered why he was not dead.

"You were being accepted into Heaven," the man said. "That's interesting." Vegeta remained silent with a heavy feeling of failure settling over his body. "In light of this you are allowed more chances if you wish to use them."

Vegeta's face lit up. "I am?"

He nodded. "Your first idea did not work so try another. You will have succeeded when you return to your reality."

"How long will it take?"

Vengeance shrugged. "As long as it takes you to figure out what needs to be done. It could range anywhere from a few hours to a few days."

"I will succeed," Vegeta said firmly. "I have to." He fell silent as he thought of a way to ask a question without receiving a cryptic answer in response. "What happened to make me destroy my reality?"

"When your happiness was at its fullest, its most pure, you lost your soul and became a monster with no goal in mind other than death and destruction. The joy you received from killing gave sorrow to the spirits of your loved ones and in turn made the spirits of your victims content. The curse had accomplished what it set out to do and vanished. You hadn't noticed it then and you hadn't noticed when it was gone."

"I feel no sadness now," he said. "Only grief and emptiness."

"That will pass in time." He faded from the room until only his dark eyes remained. "Try again, Vegeta. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain." Then he faded completely and Vegeta was left in silence.

He walked over to the large window that sat in one wall of his room and looked up to the starry heaven. "I will not fail you Goku, Trunks, Bra, and Goten. My life is incomplete without you. I swear by everything holy that I will succeed."

Vegeta didn't wait for Nappa to knock on the door but instead ran straight to the throne room. He would tell his father about what Furiza planned to do since attacking him failed to work. He ignored the lesser Saiya-jin that stood in the room and approached his father with a serious expression.

"We must talk, Father," he said as he knelt down with respect. At first the king didn't spare him a glance but he motioned that he stand and take his rightful place beside him.

Vegeta-oui was not a kind man but then again what Saiya-jin was? He was tall, far taller than his son's adult height, with sharp eyes and a dark beard. Vegeta always thought that he had received most of his characteristics from his mother, whoever she was, but he had no way to verify that for sure. 

"What do you want this time, brat? Is your training becoming boring again?"

Vegeta waved his hand dismissively. "That is all irrelevant, Father. I have information on Lord Furiza."

Vegeta-oui sat in his throne, back rigid with anger. "Is he demanding that I send more of my people off into space to suit his needs? My kingdom is *not* an employment agency!"

"No Father!" Vegeta's voice rose with annoyance. "All of that is trivial compared to this! Furiza's going to blow our entire planet up and kill us all!"

There was silence for a moment then the king and almost everyone else burst into laughter.

"Vegeta, have you been having dreams again?" the king asked after he had regained control of himself. "That's ridiculous. Surely it sounds as silly in your head as it does to our ears."

"It's the truth, Father. Do you actually believe Furiza needs us?"

"We are Saiya-jin, brat, the strongest warrior race in the universe. He needs us for our strength and our skill at battle."

Vegeta rolled his eyes and stood up from his seat. "You are a blind fool, Father. You deserved to die."

The king rose from his throne with rage clear on his face. "What did you just call me?!"

"A fool! You're nothing but a fool!" Vegeta screamed this with all the force his small body contained. He had been wanting to say it for years. "Our people will die because you don't believe me! Bardock had visions about Vegeta-sei's destruction and no one believed him either! Maybe a race this dense deserved to be extinguished from the universe." The small child stomped out of the room without a backward glance, intending on finding Bardock.

"Where did he go that day?" he mumbled to himself, eliciting strange looks from passersby. "Where did Bardock go after the nursery?" He stopped at a computer console that sat against one wall and called up the schedule for planet destruction. Bardock and a few other saiya-jin were scheduled to kill the species of a planet called Meat and should be returning soon.

"He told them and they laughed," Vegeta muttered as he ran to the mess hall. "If I'm there they will listen."

He heard the laughter before he arrived. Bardock was standing in the middle of the room and no one believed him. Approaching the frustrated Saiya-jin slowly, Vegeta focused on the people who died because of their disbelief.

"I believe you Bardock," Vegeta said quietly. "Furiza will kill us."

The older man looked relieved. "You do? Thank you so much, Vegeta-ouji. We have to stop him before it's too late."

One stocky Saiya-jin with short hair considered Vegeta carefully. "You believe his words? Furiza is really going to kill us all?"

A single nod. "Yes."

"Then we must stop him." The man stood. "I'm with you. Let's kill the little Changeling!" A great cheer went up from the group and all rushed from the room with murder on their minds.

"Attacking him head on won't work," Vegeta shouted to them all as they flew towards Furiza's ship. "Some of you will have to distract him while I blast him with ki."

"Is this a good plan?" Bardock asked him over the rush of the wind. "Furiza's strength is unreal."

"We will kill him or die trying," Vegeta smile humorlessly. "We're just as dead either way."

"Someone kills him eventually but I don't think that it's us. Kakarotto, my son, rid the universe of his evil." He looked determined regardless. "We still have to try. That vision can't be set in stone."

Furiza emerged from his ship, a smug grin on his face. "None of you will gain the power to kill me," he said as he raised a finger. "I will always defeat my enemies."

Vegeta waited until his fingertip began to glow before ordering the Saiya-jin forward. He and Bardock stayed behind until Furiza's small form was engulfed in a sea of Saiya-jin bodies. Both Zaabon and Dodoria stood by, unable to held their lord. With a nod from Vegeta, Bardock took the left side while he took the right. Both shot large beams of ki -- Bardock's blue and Vegeta's white -- at Furiza but both missed as the Changeling moved from the spot and let his ball of destruction grow larger.

"No one can defeat me!" He shouted as he hurled his energy at Vegeta-sei. Everyone in its path was incinerated mere moments before the planet burst apart from the force. Both Vegeta and Bardock shielded their eyes from the glare as Furiza laughed merrily at the show.

"What beautiful fireworks!" he exclaimed with a sideways glance to both of his aides. "Don't you think so Zaabon? Dodoria?"

Both spoke in unison. "Yes, Lord Furiza."

"You monster!" Bardock shouted as he shot another large ki blast at Furiza. It did not hit but was instead deflected and sent back to its owner. Bardock groaned in pain and fell backwards only to be caught by the weightlessness of space. With no planet around there was no gravity. At that moment Vegeta knew that he was going to die again.

Furiza surprised him. "Instead of death you can join my army and aid me in readying planets for sale." He smiled. "It is a better fate than Hell little princeling."

"I will not kill innocent people to help you, Furiza."

"Very well." Furiza's tail shot out faster than Vegeta's eyes could see and the tip pierced him through his chest, through his heart. Vegeta gasped once and went limp. "Then you shall die."

Vegeta never felt the peacefulness Death had brought to him before nor did he hear the voice of his beloved. Instead he was roughly deposited on a soft bed in a room that he was becoming tired of seeing with Vengeance's voice whispering in his ears.

"Try again. You're almost there."

Vegeta did try and he would continue trying until he got it right.

***

The third try yielded different results as did the fourth try. Vegeta left the planet in a stolen spacepod and headed off to Chikyuu. It took him several days and he arrived just before Goku did. After watching Gohan take the baby from the ship he went off into the forest only to confront Vengeance. The man waved his hand and Vegeta once again returned to the false comfort of his room in the royal palace.

The fourth try Vegeta tried to save Bardock as well. After knocking the much older, and much larger, and Saiya-jin unconscious Vegeta dragged him into a space pod and programmed it with the coordinates of Chikyuu. Then he got into one himself and followed. Before he was even half-way there he once again found himself in his room. By this time Vegeta was ready to scream in frustration.

"Maybe I can't alter the natural course of things," he said once the emotion had drained from his body. "Maybe my people were destined to die this day. There isn't anything that I can do to change things but I can stop myself from killing off entire species. It's the *only* thing that I can do."

He heard applause, then, and struggled to find its source. "Very good Vegeta," Vengeance said as he appeared in front of the door. The man waved his hand and everything faded to white with Vegeta returning to his adult body. "No one can change the past."

"Then why was I sent there?" Vegeta asked with anger. "Did I waste my time?"

"Not exactly. You realized what you had done wrong and regretted every moment of it, did you not? That was the true purpose of your journey. Not to save your race but to save yourself."

Vegeta nodded. "I understand. Am I now worthy enough to have my reality back?"

Vengeance smiled. "Let us see."

The whiteness bled away and formed darkness then that too faded until all was golden. Vegeta shielded his eyes from the radiant light and realized that he was in his bedroom, the one that he shared with Goku, standing in front of the large bay window. Everything looked wonderful and exactly the way he had left it. He turned around to speak to the man who helped him find himself and saw that he was gone.

"Vengeance? Where are you?"

The door opened slightly and Goku peeked around the door. "There you are! We were looking all over for you!"

He blinked. "You... were?"

Goku smiled with mock exasperation. "Today's the reunion remember? Bra's really looking forward to it."

Vegeta remembered now. Once a year everyone got together and had a party. He used to hate going since both Bulma and ChiChi were there but now he didn't mind at all. "Who's house are we going to?"

"Kamesennin's." At least it was neutral ground. The Capsule Corp. seemed to just scream battlefield. Vegeta nodded and followed Goku down the stairs into the living room where the three children were waiting.

"Where were you Papa?" Trunks asked. "It was like you went somewhere without telling us first."

Vegeta thought of a way to explain and finally gave up. "It was nothing. Have I ever said how much I loved you?" His eyes passed from one person to the next. "All of you?"

Trunks and Goten looked surprised while Goku looked pleased. Bra smiled and grabbed Vegeta around the legs.

"Love you too, Papa."

As they walked to Goku's capsule car Vegeta took in the blue sky, the happy chirping of the birds, and the contentment on his familys' faces. They didn't have to know what happened between him and Vengeance. It wasn't that important. All they needed to understand was that Vegeta was a changed man. No longer would he take happiness for granted and no longer would a day pass by without his children or his koibito hearing just how much he loved them and appreciated them being around. He may have lost a race but he had gained a family.

And Vegeta wouldn't give them up for anything in the world or the heavens beyond.

~OWARI~


End file.
